Sunday, January 25, 2009

This weekend our president, Nicholas Jonas married his soulmate. The quiet ceremony took place in New Hampshire, where it is actually legal for the two lovebirds to have wed (He's 16, she's 14) Now who's the lucky girl? A rather happy Nick Jonas introduced his new bride to us as 'Alexis Texas'. According to sources, the couple only knew each other for a short period of time, but it was love at first sight. The pair should've jetted off for a honeymoon last night, but the new Mrs Jonas is busy with school. Which school? That is where the questions come in. Now here at the daily snail, being the snoops that we are, decided to dish out some info on the newlywed teen, and NOTHING. No school, hospital records, or birth certificate. There is no proof of an 'Alexis Texas' We found this alarmingly fishy, and the fact that wedding photos of the new first lady, and President Jonas (And his newly cut hair) aren't exactly clear. The couple actually sold their wedding photos for 50 million dollars for HELLO! magazine. The hefty amount of money has been donated to the sugar free chocolate for diabetics charity.

President Jonas isn't taking any questions now about his new wife.

We felt like failures not being able to identify 'Alexis', so we spent hours with top designer 'Selena Christofides', and she was able to tell us it was a Vera Wang original.

Something is wrong here. We've thought of many explanations here at the daily snail; She's under witness protection, a Hannah Montana-like situation, and many more. If you know the true identity of the blonde girl, you know where to contact us!